KROTCH zine (Issue 3)

ous es . ~ i ad =

” |

4|

he

a << i
4 . “<
Ph J
aan és ‘ be ofa 2
— ~ =
o « -
-_— s

OBJECT:PARADISE IS THE INDUCTIVE SEDUCTION
OF THE OBJECTIVE MOMENT

USE THE LANGUAGE THAT THE PERFORMER AND
AUDIENCE CREATE IN THAT MOMENT / CONTEXT IS
COTEXT / MEDIATE THE THOUGHT AND THE BEAT /
EVERYTHING IS PART OF THE PERFORMANCE / THE
AUDIENCE IS THE POET / DETHRONE, THEN DEMOTE
THE POET WHO CAME KNOWING / ELIMINATE THE EGO /
DEPLATFORM THE STAGE / ORCHESTRATE THE CHAOS /
LANGUAGE EXISTS ONLY IN A SINGLE MOMENT, THAT
MOMENT / DOWN WITH DENOTATION / INTERACT THE
REACTION / CELEBRATE THE PARTY THAT LANGUAGE
IS / THE BEST WORDS IN THE BEST ORDER DOES NOT
EXIST / LET ALL PLANS GO WRONG / DEMONETIZE
LANGUAGE / DEDOOM THE WRONG NOTES / EMBRACE
MISCOMMUNICATION / PROMOTE THE CONTEXT FOR
THE SUBJECTIVE WORLD TO BE EXPERIENCED IN THE
O B J E C T I V E M O M E N T

OBJECT:PARADISE

#

Look at this

, just wet his =
gwim shorts and 4

peepee what a
fucking poet

BTR TH Day

What if my child is having nightmares? |’

I was coming home from school
ball and was wearing a suit
snd had been wanting to e
SCRATCH all night but |
couldn't because there was a
always someone andI didn't _‘h.
wanna do it half cock. and so (
here I am in my home street, |
no body around, finally able,
legal, to SCRATCH KROTCH

and so I dip hand into pants, :

loosening the belt in anarchic

- abandon, penetrating my boxers
in eager anticipation, snaking
around the dick & going for
‘the price, the balls, the

) taint, the ass, the ass, the ass

a =

|
'

the idea of nutting actually crossed my

m scratch-mongering mind, but was quickly
‘overtaken by waves of near-orgasmic

#ug pleasure spreading from within my KROTCH
ij which finally got SCRATCHED. I soon
realized to not over do it; you don't wanna
rub yourself the wrong way. the pierce is
somewhere between sharp and blunt.

— = ee
i
you w

binging on instant
gratification of SCRATCH and
doing it smooth so that yu cn
continue SCRATCHING regularly
over long periods. Preferably
all your life.

but wisdom seldom comes to the
eager KROTCH SCRATCHER. and so Boe
my passionatee engagement with BASS
nailing my balls, taint, and ass ge
goon resulted in some SCRATCHED
fkn KROTCH to the point wherel &
would need handfuls of f
moisturizing lotion to soothe
my tortured KROTCH

4

Hea but once it healed the dirty
“addict fucker my hand found its
way way down down into my pants, ™
willfully disregarding )
conscious thought to stop. i
gfound myself pleasured in
disbelief how a mere SCRATCH can

ystarted to ask myself: amIa
Py tomcat ? a dog ? is the next ih
Pevolutionary stage going down onk

Agr: AN ee fb
'I knew something had to change.
i trained myself to be more
aware of the sneaky, automatic
motions of the dirty hand and, in
wee time, I found myself capable of
' 4realizing a SCRATCH is about to
Edhappen and to arrest it before it
‘got out of hand. i knew I must
overcome the towering urge of
uthe axis of HAND and KROTCH who
in the meantime formed a dark
alliance of SCRATCH PLEASURE.
this fight, this challenge,
would turn out to be almost too
much to fight.

Phy,

ey Onn

Who sucked god's balls

ages,

7 4 .
; : : :

~~ And especially the night

& =

I don't want to die
I wanna choose

To the right side |]
and the crying man is wrong

When did yu stop going to poetry readings ? Why do they make yu feel
uncomfortable ? When did they become so dry, reserved--boring ? Who's this
i fucking guy up there? | wa hl lms Sat! Se tae ee —

attentive mic has become convention that caters to an audience who speakks the
game language and wants to experience the world the same way. When did

s celebrations of language become so academic, inaccessible--boring ? (AND) I'm not @
bagging on merlot nor (even) dectionararhy readers (YET), but rather the
convention of all of it together to create this "poetry reading”. We all speak
language--when did we become so afraid to miscommunicate ? (AND) celebrate new

use of language ! ? Let's learn each other's language ! gum

| é -} 2 me ‘ ” em on a 4 4 : s = a °
2 } PAR Saye 38 a J iw aes
Mite teat > ah a> E

si laa

I was once (almost) persuaded at a "poetry reading” that we all see the world the
same way and thus understand the language to describe it that way (in that way)
but language--like identity--isn't a melting pot, but a salad bowl with some |
older carrots at the bottom and avocados on the top. Poetry then, is when the Ewreoy
carrots, the avocados, and the slaw are portioned out and arranged differently :
1on each of our plates. 277? But not everyone likes salad 777? and some like

‘avocados more than carrots. If there's more avocados than carrots, is it still a "8
poem? Who gets to decide that ? Your tastebuds or mine 777? cartesoeal

ee a a &

What kind of language are we promoting, publishing--or even recognizing as

poetry ? Whose culture ? Whose language ?
and slaw 7927? | eee Ler SS Tenkeains of Roca A eare a

The poetr

dictates L Sele ain ictates that @ pocull is be

Genre dictat © audience recognizes the arr ng Shara. A K _

oe es shared understanding of fcony,, 7S°Ment op 7°" heing g) 2
ver he so sure that the salad will me fi eaae ® Sharog

| Plate? Let's ease the te
wink toe Ee | nsions and let the audience :

af

de

salt

et's heed on the poetics of inside jokes,

Pe

Be melee a al
ain like kids, 1

Let's make up language ag

let's listen to the poetry at the check stand, celebrate mistakes in grammar and
okserve the effects of the omission of the Oxford together. Maybe then when the
poetry reading isn't labelled as one we'll start seeing it all around us, making
faces at us in the bunches of the pees at the corner of the plate we forgot akout

see

I can work with an impulse
Lost and found in & stare :
Por a@ second ;

ba Mf
Equal to a hundred heartbeats /
A little joke

To the self f 4h .
From the gelfy | a» a —
With love ©) 2 dae
Prom a thursday Bristol night pene +? # ~.

Fi

Py
-

A chance for everything
Is a roundabout nowhere
An engine with no oil
A driver neglecting
A happening under the hood
Paradoxical but functional
A wall with ea road
Imposed by the desire
Of not wanting it there 4
Paradoxical and dysfunctional Pp
A hoodie and a pen =
A beer and a burrow
Ye olde habit ;
Ya old rabbit
Bare your teeth ER are
Scuttle away Saga
Self loathing mixes well with joy fi
When the stars are misaligned
When chaos comes Crash in gimey wy
Thrashing \ |
Buzzing with might 2

PING
UND

a.

settee \

Hope to ;
JUm
Soy teeth eae

the Doo vd
& stoo]

Cruel fool fuel

like the wind

A pity party comes arout

After the heatwave

) Refreshingly common

ea ;
SRT i)

Divo’s Art House
Begins Antonymous
Digestion

( BEJA, PORTUGAL ) This
month Mark Divo
celebrated the 10th
annual Cabariet Votaire
Dada Festival in Beja
Portugal. The event
churned out tens of
locals from other
countries, but the final
performance was from the
space itself when it
began to autonomously
digest the furniture and
art inside the villa.

Although the
performances and
happenings occurred in
the central Portuguese
town, the event was live-
streamed and projected in
Zurich for art-goers to
see what they were
missing out on.

It was on the fifth day
of the festival when the
villa's walls began to
grumble and show signs
of boredom. Local
resident Jodo was hardly
surprised, "I don't blame
the house, it looks like
people are just running
around and screaming—
this is supposed to ke
art?"

At the end of the
festival, several poets
and paintings were
missing. Investigators
remain on the scene,
searching the catacombs
of the villa for digested
art to resell to the
Swiss Government.

Poet Forgets Words
During Improv
Performance

( NOVE MESTO ) On Saturday
a visiting poet from
Bratislava forgot the
words to his improvised
poetry performance,
causing the poet to

ie ee ct: Local Woman
Ace EOE EG started Attends
off strong by appearing 2

unscripted and dynamic, Interviews to
but Bozkov was reported Boost
to be found on the poet Confidence

after the performance
which reportedly caused a
little bit of orange
vomit on his penny
loafers.

( VINOHRADY ) The
local woman who
asked to remain

anonymous confessed
to our hotline
operators last week
that she regularly
attends interviews
because it makes her
feel better about
herself—especially
when rejecting their
offers.

The reading ended with
the poet creating new
words and perspectives
towards poetics. The
performance was received
well among some audience
members visiting from
Prague-5, though it was
"a bit too forced.”

"When anyone calls
you and tells you
how amazing you are,
it's rewarding. I
just happened to
schedule these calls
myself”.

The majority of the
interviews were for
positions dealing
with art production
and curation.

"These men just don't
know what they're
doing—it's easy.
Anyone can do it”.

Vas zodpovédny pyistup
pomaha ke zlepSeni Ccistoty
a zivotniho prostredi.
DEKUJEME

EMAIL FOR GOODS : KROTCH@OBJECTPARADISE.COM

ROTCH KLASSIFIF |),

300 K¢ aie

0:P V/II 45 vinyl record.
Vintage large green aryan Recorded over Covid w/ 25+ :
wool flat cap. used no lice. Prague-based musicians / Te
. Suitable for medium sized writers . Good birthday mete Cc
heads . present & zizkov artifact

Vintage aux plug-in wired mic.
perfect for vintage vocals. no
phantom power required. (imported)

80K¢E ate
=— oF Sony MINI-DV Handicam-~
ig. worn only briefl KROTCH Issue 2 (heavily functional! Charger
ears any ieee ee good used ). Limited edition. included, but needs new
time. (Fictitious sculpture not battery.

included).

50Ke

-- Vintage red leather
Lightbulb on a cord?
Lightbulb and cord Jame Bond's A VIEW TO A planner / notebook
included. KILL (VHS). keeper / purse. w/ cute

brass lock .

M<SSED KonwECTIONS

M4M - [ Looking for someone specific here , Andel ] . Wondering if you've had
the fried chicken or BBQ n vinegar or perhaps another cold brew and
snickerdoodle Salt & Straw or started watching Superstore yet. Hoping you
would send me a line again but I understand if this will not be possible.
Just want to say that I miss you and wish you the best. Te lo juro solo
pienso en ti...

M4F - [ Sorry about that , Prague | It's been several years now. When we
first started dating I made a crack about your belief in crystal healing.
I'm sorry about that. Not because crystal healing is legit. It's total crap.
But, because it was important to you. And my dig hurt you. And I never
meant it to. I think that was the beginning of the end for us. Despite all
the other great stuff, I think that doomed us. Sounds like you're happy now.
New house. New town. New partner. Wish you the best. Maybe we'll cross paths
again someday and can grab a coffee and catch up. Best to you.

P4P - [| Pink Dress , IP Pavlova ] I saw your on the 22 today! We both got on
at Ujezd heading south and both stopped at IP Paviova. I wanted to say hi
but I was listening to a work call. Just want to say hello and you are
gorgeous. Hope to see you again

P4PM - [ Behind you at hospital , Motol ] You looked at us waiting behind
you a couple of times and gave us a nod as you left. Sorry if I seemed
distant, I'm pretty nervous while I'm working. Maybe you saw me checking
you out, I saw you bend over the counter a couple of times. Tell me what you
remember, if this is a missed connection

P4M - [ we work together , Smichov ] 5, you are beautiful, smart, sexy. You
have the most beautiful smile and contagious laugh. We work together
downtown Smichov, we both are uniform employees. I don't know how to tell
you how sexy you are. You changed your hair color to reddish. fire! lit! I
thought you dating another uniform employee. I asked around come to find
out I am wrong.

you're initials are 5.5.

P4P - | Gorgeous woman in a black dress , Petrin ] Sitting in the sun on the
deck of a restaurant. We talked all night... I wanted you to tell me to
delete my dating apps right then and there. I still do.

MF4M - [ We were shy too , Zizkov ] Hey your smile was incredible. We wanted

to invite you over but we were shy. If your still interested in us please
reach out.

WRITE Te vs - KRoTNGOBIECT Qe
PARADISE Co ya :
AvD a als Yr rsseod konnecToa 2" ae

C=